Color Of Love...

‘Maa, happy Holi’, saying this Aadish applied a little color on his mother’s cheek.

‘Aadi, you are becoming so naughty. You are supposed to go out and celebrate it with your friends. You should not trouble your mother in this way.’

‘No, Maa. This time I will stay back and enjoy the festival with you. Well when are these aunties going to visit our home?  It will be fun watching all women in holi makeup instead of their regular one.’

‘What has happened to you this time? Instead of enjoying with your friends, you want to sit back and see we old ladies playing? Have you fought with Himanshu or any of your friends?’

‘Maa, nothing has happened. I just feel like seeing you enjoying with your friends. Himanshu is not well. So we all have decided not to play Holi this time. And on top of that who will serve these Jamun to all aunties? Every time you have taken care of my friends and now it’s my time. ’ Aadish tried to put his best effort to explain the situation. ‘I wish, Sachi should come with all those ladies. Because the color of festival cannot be a beautiful one without her colors.’ Aadish spoke in his mind.

‘Okay as you say. But I still insist you should go out and enjoy.’ Saying this she left the place. And there Aadish left restless waiting for Sanchita. He had spent more than an hour standing near the window and staring the wall clock. After an hour’s time around 11.15am, he heard a knock at his door and became pale with excitement. In no time he opened the door but a sudden gush of ladies pushed him to a corner. Aadish had almost lost his balance and bumped with the wall.

‘What was that? Huh…aunties’ army was so powerful. ’ he asked after regaining his composure. ‘But where is she?’ Aadish took a quick look on all the ladies out there. But she was not among them which left him disappointed. ‘Oh no. My Holi is still colorless as I have not got a glimpse of her.’ Saying this when he turned his face towards the door, he found her standing there with plate full of colors. Aadish had been very eager to wish her but didn’t know how. Suddenly he tiptoed to where she was standing so as not to attract any attention. He took some Gulal from her plate and brushed his fingers on her cheek, ‘Happy Holi Sachi’.

She got shocked and bit her lower lip. She could not even utter a single word. Aadish, was standing still with a smile on his face and absorbing each single expression of her face. He observed her eyes the way they restlessly sifted between him and the surrounding. She wrinkled her nose with a sudden disappointment when she noticed two aunties eyeing them speculatively. She hoped they were not seen him while applying colors to her. Aadish understood the situation and soon he head out screaming, ‘Maa, I am going to Himanshu’s place to celebrate holi.’

‘Tie your hair back in a tight plait; it is always falling all over your face.’ Sanchita’a aunty told her at her back. She nodded her head and forced to throw a smile. ‘Aunty, I am going home. I have enough of Holi.’ Saying this Sanchita rushed towards her home.

She locked herself in the bathroom. Except for the sound of her heavy breathe; the neighborhood around her was silent. A mirror hung above the sink and she caught sight of her reflection next to Aadish with those colors over her face. But it was her own imagination playing trick with her. She knew it was an illusion and her family values did not allow her for these kinds of desires. But seeing Aadish’s face next to hers in the mirror made her distinctly intimate. Till date no one had made her feel in this way. ‘Why am I drawn to Aadish? Does this call love? Am I in Love?’ Turning on the shower, she removed her clothes. She stood naked in front of the mirror. Those colors were spreading throughout her silky body with the gush of water. And there she felt her heart beating, speeding up. ‘Yes, this is the real color of Love.’ A part of her screamed inside. But Sanchita turned her head left and right, saying nothing more with a little blush on her face.

Life is always beautiful when you are with your family and friends but it looks colorful when you are with someone whom you love...

I am compelled to start 2013…

“I said ‘Somebody should do something about that. Then I realized I am Somebody.”  -by Lily Tomlin

And today that Somebody inside me is numb when I happened upon the headline of a newspaper; which said “Meri bachi ko mere paas rehne do, usey mujhse dur maat karo”. It was a very unfamiliar voice that racked with deep anguish against Sexual Violence. Yes The Mother blurted out at the moment when her daughter’s dead body was taken for funeral and lost her sense.

Today she is dead. But she existed with all her life before this brutal incident. So now closing off India, shutting down the subway roads, protest spilling onto the street asking for death penalty; can just put the whole nation on boil for a period. But does capital punishment and fixing the system can ever put an end to RAPE? Does this nationwide anger can shed the animal inside an individual? And  The feminine inside me is afraid to answer as often these kinds of heat turns up and eventually simmer down with the course of time. Perhaps these all can just mushroom the sympathy with in us and tap the chord of discontent. But the bottom line is “SHE” was not just a Rape Victim but a HUMAN BEING. Even the protocol says; Prostitutes are BROKEN WOMEN though our society has tagged them as Sex Object.

When we talk about India and Indian Culture, often it’s a fusion of Religion, Beliefs, Customs, Traditions, Values and the way a common man leads his life. We believe in Vedas / Quran / Bible, we believe on that Supernatural Power, we take a dip in the holy river Ganga to wash down our Paap (Sin), we believe in those rituals, don’t we? So now it bleeds my eyes when I pen down that the same India has maximum number of Rape, Sexual assault, Molestation.

The word Intercourse belongs to Science, Sex belongs to General outlook, Making Love belongs to Literature and Fuck belongs to Slang. Now where should we keep the word Rape and those Rapist? They never belong to anything. But they exist. So today, every single female’s deepest fear is not Death but Sexual Violence – RAPE.

The biggest democratic country where we are on fire for losing a Twenty three year girl; there my conscience asks, ‘is an Infant of Three year or a senior citizen of Sixty three year safe? How many more Centuries we Female are going to live in the shadow of Fear? Does our longing for a better Civilization will ever become true? Keeping these Questions in my mind I am compelled to start 2013…

Few lives last short, while the memories they hold last FOREVER… 

Does Love make Sex Legal?

Last weekend, I took a trip to one of my friend’s den. The moment I entered into his house, I was shocked by what I saw. The living room is a mess. Wrappers of cigarettes spotting all over the room extended with some beer bottles. Bed has not been made. Shoes and socks are lying randomly. And clothes are in disaster situation. That was what I expected but to my surprise everything out there was well set. I smiled to myself, perhaps I liked the unexpected.

In no time I made myself comfortable. I insisted helping him in kitchen but alas it was a flop show. An onion was enough to wipe my makeup. Yeah here I admit that Kitchen is the zone which freaks me out. Around 4 pm we settled down to have a hot television (TVs Sa Re Ga Ma) lunch.  Though it was pretty late for lunch but I enjoyed our very own home flavor.

Post to our lunch we planned to play a game where each of us got to ask some questions and the other person has to answer being true to one.  I got to deal with these questions; ‘Are you straight?’ ‘Are you Virgin?’ ‘How many guys have you kissed?’ ‘How many guys have you been dating?’Initially I enjoyed the whole concept but soon the thread of discussion led us to discuss the most happening topic, ‘A Man-Woman Thing’ i.e. Sex-Love. That evening I wanted to talk my heart out but I had no idea where to start from. I had to make choice and I decided not to probe this topic. I bid adieu to him with a hearty laugh and a gentle hug.

On my way back to home I kept on thinking about his outlook which said, ‘There is nothing wrong when two consenting adults want to have sex and Love is just a mere explanation to get the Sex legal.’ Does that mean Love never exist? This question had taken over my need for sleep that night.

I don’t contradict with the fact that no other subject holds as much interest as sex and it’s always cleavage that makes a woman desirable. So there is nothing filthy about Sex. Even science says; unlike other animals, human do not have any mating season. So we have all the rights to got to go with our instinct. But that does not give us a liberty to have ‘Kamasutra’ in our curriculum. In the other hand we have Shakespeare in our syllabus to deal with.

It’s obvious for a teenage to experience a hormonal imbalance every time he/she thinks about his/her counterpart. And that particular feeling of attraction is a part of Love, never Sex. I know, for many of you this might have sounded bizarre. As unlike Sex, Love does not ever come with the instruction manual. But trust me this is what we were/are up to.  In life it’s always hard to get a chance to kiss the person who truly sweeps us off our feet than to make out with the one whom we never owe a single feeling of ours. So I do not stand with those who believes, ‘The word Sex is always content with Pleasure where as Love shares it’s endurance with Pain’.

Neither I am here to debate on legal or illegal Sex nor on pre or post marital affair. I believe, it is natural and one should respect his/her urge towards it but without a shade of guilt in his/her mind. Because virginity justifies a person’s sexual status not his/her desires. So respecting all those feelings now let me leave you with this thought; Sex is always an affordable word but never is Love. Let’s admit it.

‘I’ Fascination !

Ram happened to meet Vrishti in a Chat Box and lost her in a MSG Box. The journey from a PC to a Cell Phone is very familiar now days, is not it?

Yes, same Online friendship followed by some regular chats, emails and later on exchange of cell no…unlimited messages and late night calls. With the course of time both Ram and Vrishti explored things about themselves that they never knew before. Their comfort zone allowed them to share their inner thoughts, feelings and beliefs. Both had their share of pleasure with the aura of a good-bad person around them. Life felt so Fascinating.

But one fine day when Vrishti got a strong feeling that their Internet Relationship had developed into an Intimate Relationship, she could not able to get along with the reality. She started Ignoring Ram and ultimately decided to part her ways. She did not even bother to leave an explanation note for him. This left Ram hurt with a stabbed heart.

Later that year, Vrishti had sent a message to Ram saying ‘I felt guilty. So I had stopped talking to you. Hope someday you will understand me.’ She seemed to be very content with her life. But Ram could not. He had many complaints towards his fate, time, god, gals, modern amenities…etc. He lost his faith towards the virtual world. But even today he experiences a hormonal imbalance every time Vrishti crosses his mind.

And now this too sounds very usual, is not it folks?

But I am pretty much moved by this usual story. When I say, ‘STORY’; I feel even more despondent. As the pain of an individual apparently becomes a part of leisure for a mass. We read these stories and feel pity about them.

I have also encountered few people online. And every time, self-presentation and exploring each other have become the paramount in my agenda. I too have enjoyed those golden flicks around. This virtual world sounds so Fascinating than a face-to-face encounter. Perhaps it is because the commitment is low and the passion towards understanding the new found friend is more.

This Internet has created a new approach to human relationships. It often introduces us to strangers, who go on to have a deep impact on our lives. But sometimes the same ‘I’ doesn't make any sense in someone’s life, like Ram’s. Vrishti never understood the fact that, ‘we cannot plan who to fall in love with. Neither can we stop ourselves from loving someone. It’s inevitable.’

When our online friendship is limited up to Internet, we never have the fear of falling apart. But the moment that ‘I’ fascination takes over our Individuality, often people end up with an Offline Forever Relationship. i.e. Some have it as the sweetest part of their lives with an extension of Marriage and some have it as the bitter part of their lives with an extension of Split up. Every single entity in this world has its own share of good effects and bad effects. And the feelings of love when roses in any heart will continue with the same aroma till the end. As for A rose it does not matter whether it’s in its bud stage or a full flower, It always has the same fragrance till the last petal falls.

Now the mature adult inside me is wondering; is it all right to Ignore the one who has become Intimate with us through Internet?

And my conscience counters back, ‘The best thing about being selfish is you can always stretch your limits.’ So let me scoop up my stuffs and head to my den.

PS: Off course you have the right to leave someone, but at least tell them WHY because what's even more painful than being abandoned is; knowing you're not worth An Explanation.

Heart, A Sense Organ !!!

Early evening of 14th Aug. 

I was heading towards my room when my phone sprang into life. It was one of my childhood friends. And there I happened to exchange few words with a stranger. And believe me that was my very first experience as an Author. The girl on the other end compelled me to resume my blog post. This post is not a part of “Tamanna, A Wish” but it is a part of our life.

Everyday we do so many unconditioned activities; we blink our eyes when a puff of air enters in it, we startle to any loud noise, we start salivating to our favorite food, we enjoy the scented smell of flower, we sweat if it’s hot. We do all these without our knowledge and never bother to explore the reason behind.

But “Why don’t we?”

Is that all because we had a subject named “Science” in our school and college days? Where we had been taught that, these all happen because of reflex action of our body. [Reflex action: Stimulus + Response]. We have five sense organs and each will accommodate to a particular stimulus.

But do not you all agree that, every learning in life is not happened by biological maturation? 

The science class of “LIFE” taught me a new thing. I discovered that we do have one more sense organ which shows response to a particular kind of behaviors. Some people have coined that as “Attraction”, some say “Infatuation”, some say “Crush” and yet some “Love”. That sense organ is our “Heart” which responses to these mystifying feelings.

Science has never acknowledged Heart as sense organ but I do not mind. Sense organs can only sense the things happening in our surroundings. But heart can sense beyond our limits.

So friends let’s just rejoice to love and to be loved by someone. Because nothing is worth ending our life over.

Believe me; it’s never wrong to feel for the person who make us feel we are beautiful and seven feet tall???

Post - 7

This left Siddharth spell bound. He looked deep into her eyes thinking of nothing and thinking of everything.

“Lunch!” she said, breaking the eye contact. Both of them walked out in search of a restaurant but they didn’t find anything near by.

 “Sid, let’s catch a bus and go back.”

“Okay, as you say.”

After reaching near Nizamuddin, they got into a restaurant. Food had been ordered and they sat down on a small table facing each other. Samedha took a position as if she was about to share a secret joke with him and touched his cheek and exclaimed. He was not prepared for such a reaction and he was shocked.

“This dimple is so cute, yaar. How come I didn’t notice this earlier? Were you hiding it from me?”

He turned red with embarrassment and became self conscious. This was the biggest compliment he had ever got from a girl. He came to his own rescue from the attention his dimples were getting. It was not that he did not like what she had observed but chose not to continue with the dimple topic.

“You scared me Sam, you’re so unpredictable… One moment you are agitated like a rivulet in the mountains and in the next moment…….”

Samedha giggled and giggled some more.

Food had been served but she continued to giggle as if she was being tickled. “Sorry Sid, I should not do this, but you know once I start, it takes some time for me to stop”. He just helplessly looked at her like a smiling angel and she kept laughing till her stomach ached.

“Sid, now tell me one thing did you like my city?” Samedha asked persuasively as if to get an affirmative answer only.

Siddharth came back from his world of imagination and said “Yeah, So far it’s good. You like Delhi very much, Isn’t it, Sam?” he tossed a question.

“I just love this place. From my teenage days I had a crush on this place and to be here someday was my dream. Sometimes I really feel great, breathing in my dream city. It has taught me everything in life in all aspects. A simple small town girl turned to a modern and practical metro woman.” Samedha did some hand gestures to show how modern she was.

“In the beginning I did struggle a little to catch up but within days I fell in love with this city. It taught me the value of family in a person’s life. It gave me the independence but taught to be responsible as well. I realized the value of trust and the meaning of being myself. This city has added something new, interesting and worthy to my life every day. It gave me an identity. I rediscovered myself while walking along the lonely roads and being with friends. Though it has made me cry many a times but at every peak of the day, it consoled me with the hope of a bright tomorrow. It made me to taste life in all aspects”.  Samedha finished with her nostalgia.

Siddharth was awestruck. “Sam, let me tell you that you will always remain a mystery for me. There is so much in you, apart from you being jovial and playful. The more I get to know you, the more I get curious.”

“Finally now I realized that it has helped me to become a strong girl who can cross any hurdle in life. So what, if it has shattered the most precious dream of my life which was mine from the day I realized I am a female.” The last line she couldn’t pronounce. It got stuck in her vocal cord and it remained unnoticed as she wished it to be.

                                                                                        - to be continued... 

Post - 6

Siddharth gave an unsure smile. He liked the fragrance of her dupatta, the caress and the blushing too.

Samedha heard the announcement from the conductor, “Nehru place”. “Do you know Sid, Nehru Place is the biggest computer hardware market in Delhi? We have to get down here.” Both were alerted to get down from the bus.

A sudden gush of people threw them out of the bus. Siddharth lost his balance and almost crashed with the bus. “What was that?” he asked after regaining his composure.

“This is not rare in Delhi Sid” She tried to comfort him. “Forget it. Let’s go” She added extending her hand towards him.

Both of them reached the temple and Siddharth realized during their long walk from the bus stop to the temple cash counter, they were holding each other’s hand. A conscious feeling crept into his mind, was it deliberate or just a casual act from both of them? He did not want to release her hand. It felt so soft. He carefully looked at her without her knowledge.

Oblivious of the developments in Siddharth, Samedha was busy in devouring the beauty of the place not bothering about her hand. He had to release her hand reluctantly to take out his wallet to pay the entrance fees.

Both entered into the Lotus temple premises. The temple was the testimony of modern art and architecture. Siddharth wanted to touch them as a token of appreciation but she pulled him back to debar him from touching.

“No touching, Sid” she reprimanded a little. This act of her did not bring any disappointment to him as the holding of hand was restored. The tight grip of her hand had captivated him.

He looked at her face and tried to memorize every contour of her face. The swinging strands of her hair, those talkative, bright and beautiful eyes, perfectly shaped nose and lovely lips. She appeared prettier than ever before. He wished to live his life time with that feeling of fulfillment and joy.

“Time to move and see some more…” she declared.

Both went past a large hall and they couldn’t stop admiring the magnificent monument.

“You know Sid this temple is about forty meters tall and surrounded by nine reflecting pools due to which it appears as if the temple is floating like a Lotus flower in the middle of the water. There are twenty seven freestanding "petals" made of white marble. This complex edifice took ten years to get ready. As Lotus is a symbol of peace, purity and love, this temple is open to people from all religions. This is the testimony of India’s ageless art, borderless culture and timeless values.” Samedha presented a piece of knowledge.”

 “And thank you for bringing me here. Apart from the bus ride, everything has been so lovely.” he said gratefully.

“Sid, do you know why did I get you here?”

“Hmmm...I am not sure...”replied Sid. But the ambiance is just so mesmerizing.

          “No Idols to gaze at. No mantras to chant. No rituals to follow. But still people can connect themselves to the Almighty. And that is because they sense his presence in everything around here...in the silence...in the end less white color of the walls...in these pillars. Their hearts reach to those vibes where no sense organ can. The Feel, Unseen and Untouched, made us to realize the presence of divinity. This is supernatural, Sid. And some where our relationship stands on the same feel. We have sensed each other before we met.”

This left Siddharth spell bound. He looked deep into her eyes thinking of nothing and thinking of everything.

                                                                                            - to be continued ... 

PS: I wanna thank Mr Santosh Kumar Patnaik, for sharing his experience about New Delhi and his immense help in editing these parts. This oomph factor is all yours my friend.